One of my biggest fears is contamination. Whether its from germs, bacteria, virus... whatever. I LOVE to cook. It's pretty much my only hobby besides reading. But sometimes its really hard. I've quit cooking for most others except my family. I love to have parties and get togethers but I won't do a lot of cooking from scratch even if I would like to. Whenever there's a work or school event I just buy something pre-made at the store or donate money towards food.
I've learned that as much as I love to cook, cooking for people outside my family, and even sometimes for my own family, can cause major panic attacks. What if I don't cook the meat long enough and we all get sick? What if some raw meat juice drips out of the package, gets on the counter, then touches a plate or spoon and my children eat off it and get sick or worse?
Yes, I know how this sounds. Logically, I know its crazy to worry, worry, worry. I've never given us food poisoning before so I'm not sure why this is such a big fear. Even with the medication I take, its still hard to do something that I love. I can feel the panic rising up, it just doesn't seem to get as bad as it did before or the attacks don't last quite as long now that I have a medication that works.
I was excited to make my barbecue meatloaf today. I don't really have a recipe anymore and I wanted to play around with it anyways to see if I can make it better. Just opening the package of meat and cracking open an egg are enough to increase my heart rate. As I was mixing the meatloaf together by hand, my 3 year old asked if she could help. I don't think I could handle letting her put her hands in raw egg and meat. It would end up with a completely scrubbed down kitchen, a bath for the little one and probably a shower for me. As it is, I wiped down the counter and stove really well and the floor right in front of where I was working, just in case anything spilled.
I love to cook. My kids love to help me cook. I will continue to try new recipes and teach my kids how to cook. I refuse to let the OCD rule my life, but sometimes its a struggle.
But if the meatloaf turns out really good, I'll be sure to post the recipe. :)